That four letter word...

If only it was as easy as hitting the "love" key.

Love. I often wonder what it is that has the majority of the human race on a never ending search for this four letter word that seems so elusive and for many, so unattainable. Well, elusive in the beginning, then after a few years of love, most seem to be running away from the very thing they had been chasing for so long. Strange, huh?

I have found myself yet again, at a crossroads as to what and how I feel about love. I mean I couldn't have asked for better role models than my Grandparents, married for some forty years, but then on the flip side, it went pear shaped with my own parents, whom I think lasted maybe five years all up. Got to give it a good Aussie go I say! Or not.

Sure, people break up all the time, that is the easy part I have come to realise, but actually getting someone to commit is the hard part. Who am I kidding, getting someone to do something other than fucking your brains out, or something that requires you to both leave the confines of your bedroom together, now that is the hard task these days. Boo, fucking hoo I hear you say about getting "some", well sometimes, just every now and again, it would be nice to have a conversation clothed and devoid of things like, "Deeper", "Harder" or "Slap it!". I digress.

So why then, am I confronted with a group of single (gay and straight), amazing friends that seem to be forever single or have trouble staying with someone longer than a hot new york minute? I will tell you why, fear. That's right, another dirty four lettered f word, F.E.A.R.

All I ever hear from people dating is what they want, someone real, someone who will make them laugh, a good lover, someone independent, someone financial, well hung, tight as a clam out of water, oh my god!! Shut the fuck up, please! What they REALLY need is someone to give them a god damn reality check. The minute you are "real" or "honest", many, if not most people run for the hills screaming. Seriously.

This love revelation has lead me to believe that a) there are not that many fish in the sea (cause if there were, I would be the stream and all those Salmon would be swimming against the tide to be in me - no pun intended) and b) learning to love yourself is the best revenge you can give yourself. That, and the fact that there is only so much "crazy" a relatively sane person should have to deal with in their life. Lord knows I have more than had my fair share of crazy and I am done with my community service for the mentally unstable boyfriend seeker(s) that seem to be so prevalent these days.

I found a quote that sums up exactly how I feel about love these days and what it should always mean, "Our first and last love is.... self love. Always." And I thought loving someone else was the easy part, how wrong I was...