Sunday, October 19, 2014
Morals, yours or mine?
I was having a discussion with a friend yesterday that led me to some very interesting revelations about life, myself and the company I have sometimes kept.
The topic was infidelity and whether or not to continue with her boyfriend. I explained that I think that every situation is different and if both people are willing to try and work it out, then power to you both! She asked me what if I stumbled across this situation? I have done and every time I have tried to resolve the issue and the other party has either been indecisive or in my recent of relationships, denying it till the end and then refusing to communicate with me. Either way, it was fucked and I really didn't enjoy any of it. AT ALL.
I then thought about the prospects of open relationships and posed this question to her to which I received a sharp "No way. I'm to jealous." Again, something that I also couldn't really do, not because I am overly jealous but more because I am male, the need to mark or assert my territory and all that cave manesque crap that seems to be ingrained into our DNA.
Then the doozy was thrown my way. "My friends knew about his cheating but told me they didn't want to hurt my feelings." Hmmm, again something that I have also faced and on more than one occasion. Its this last statement that has really had me in a dilemma with my own personal situation of late, maintain "friendships" or let them go. Sadly, I am opting for the latter and I will explain why.
I take full responsibility for my actions, my relationships and the words that come out of my mouth. I do not take responsibility for someone else's infidelity when that is not within the boundaries of what we have both agreed to for our relationship. In saying this, if you bear witness to your friends partner cheating on you, no matter what the level of intimacy is, don't you think you have an obligation to at least attempt to tell that person what is going on? Other than the moral code, yours and mine, there is a very real threat of things like diseases and personal safety which could seriously harm the person cheating and god forbid, that friend who was none the wiser to these actions, who never asked for any of this and now potentially faces some very serious risks.
I loathe the bullshit excuses too that "I was drunk" or "Pills make me do it, I can't control myself", I have been more intoxicated than I really care to admit in my time of partying, and not once have I ever forgot where I put my dick or whose tongue I had in my mouth. I also never suffered from what I call "selective relationship amnesia". If you are not 15 years old and drunk for the first time in your life, then your excuses like the above examples are lame, insulting and ultimately pathetic.
I'm not sure if my answer helped my friend, but it sure as hell clarified a few things for me, the main one being the realisation that a real friend is very hard to come by, cliched, but so,so true. Yet another time in my life where my Oma's words of wisdom pop into my head and seem to make all the more sense now, "You are the company you keep."
Time to tidy that "company" up.