Friday, February 7, 2014

Adjusting the compasses until we need just one, ours.

It's those eyes, that smile, I can't get them out of my head, I don't want to, but the thought of not seeing you for months is killing me. It hasn't even been twenty four hours and I feel lost without you.

I'm trying to be strong, I promised myself that I would never allow myself to feel this way again, vulnerable, scared and yet so in love. But I did. For me, it all happened the moment I opened that door, saw you standing there smiling that smile, laughing, eyes beaming. My heart melted, it was love at first sight.

You speak of adjusting our compasses, I can't seem to find my compass through all the tears. I'm not sad, I am just longing to be sitting in your presence, laughing, watching you smile, listening to you, hugging you. I haven't slept at all, I kept rolling over to see if you are there, if this is just a bad dream, that I will see your face. I can't find you. I need more time with you, a week just isn't long enough, yet it also seemed like a lifetime spent together, it was easy, you and me. What I wouldn't give to go back to that very moment I opened that door.

I'm lost. I need to find that compass, to make sure that we find each other again. I remember pinching myself when we were sitting in a cafe, asking you if this was real, you and me. You laughed, smiled and looked into my eyes and said "bobo". I'm pinching myself again, pinching myself to wake up from this dream, the one where we are not together, where I am longing to feel your hand in mine. This is what they call "Saudade" right? I don't like it. I want you next to me.

Happiness defines me, you write this all the time, I agree. Happiness from you now makes up a big part of what defines me, not because I am looking for an excuse to avoid doing the hard work, but because your happiness is genuine, real. It comes from a place deep within that I have never seen before in someone. Felicidade. That's what you bring to me, Felicidade.

Ah, there it is, my compass, it's set to you, ready to meet again, for the time that we will need just one compass, ours. Not long now...

Você é lindo, você é perfeito, você é o Pedro.