Summertime Sadness.

Everything always looks better in neon.

Lana sings about it so beautifully and today, well I am having a little of it. Summertime sadness.

It may seem strange to those in the Northern hemisphere that someone who has only really ever known summer to be hot and muggy and surrounded by beaches is somewhat sad. Things like eggnog are replaced with a cold beer and the only fire that I have ever sat around at this time of the year, is a BBQ, and that can hardly be called a fire. I digress.

Many times over the last couple of months I have thought about packing it all in and calling it a day. That it was, and is too hard and the prospect of another month of uncertainties of all manner, is just not how I envisaged living my life. Yet, here I still am. I have said it before and I'll say it again, I never truly understood what the phrase "the struggle is real" meant, until I moved to Brazil a year ago.

That "struggle" is something that I seem to share with around 200 million or so people, so I am in good company. Those people for the better part, seem to have a never ending capacity to see the positives in everyday life, something that I truly admire, respect and love. In reality though, being in a foreign country and with little to no support network that you can truly rely on, can sometimes make it difficult to see those "positives". But... when in Rome...

I guess that although I am not such a big believer in "New years resolutions" (Why wait for something when you can start now), the end of a year and beginning of another can bring with them a myriad of reflections on what, where, when, how and why, both past and for the future. Reflection is good, not to dwell, but for the most part, I think it's good.

The Summertime sadness part is really just a state of season (Wintertime sadness just doesn't have the same ring) and I guess a state of mind, now that I have written out loud and reflected. Being happy is so easy for many, but happiness is something entirely different to me. It goes deeper than the smiled mask that so many feel they need to maintain, happiness cuts to the core, it's what makes you love what you do and do what you love. It's pure, real and always honest.

Summertime sadness? I'll leave it entirely up to Lana, she seems to do it so much better.

The Year That Was, 2014.

Buh bye 2014...

To sum this year up in a few words would be absolutely impossible and do the experiences, both good and bad, no justice whatsoever. So I'm going to go right back to when my year began, December 26th, 2013. The day I boarded the plane in Sydney, bound for Las Vegas, first stop Korea.

This year was always going to be big. From the minute I decided I was going to pack my things up and have a year or so of study and life abroad (in Brazil), I knew experiences where going to be plenty. Just what those experiences would be or entail, well, none of us ever truly know how good or bad they are going to be. I got both.

Everything was going pretty smoothly, I arrived in Seoul, Korea, and spent two nights there exploring my immediate surroundings as I was alone and it was far to cold to venture out any further than what I felt comfortable with in such a short amount of time. I saw quite a bit and was able to indulge myself in one of my favourite cuisines (all things Korean) for two solid days. Heaven.

From Korea I was bound for my baby brothers wedding in Las Vegas. I like to party and so does he, so this was going to be nothing short of one week of wedded partying bliss. Joined by family and friends from all corners of the globe for his special day, I think that Las Vegas in 2013/2014 will go down as one of the happiest times of my life, definitely of this year.  I celebrated a birthday, New years and of course my brothers wedding in Las Vegas, not to mention seeing artists like Celine Dion, Boys II Men and Robin Thicke all perform whilst I was there. I needed some rest so next stop was with the parents and relatives to New York.

New York might just be my favourite city in the world. I decided to spend a month there and really explore the place, something that a career doesn't always allow for, time. I took my parents to see a broadway musical, Motown - The Musical and we shared many sights together including a trip to Washington. The hardest part of this trip was my last day with my Mum in New York and seeing the tears stream down her face as we parted. We both knew that it was going to be quite some time again before we would be together laughing, squabbling and enjoying each others company.

From the freezing cold I was off to Brasil, where I switched things up in Rio for a week. Porto Velho in Brasil's north was next, followed by my most recent and somewhat final destination of nearly a year or so now, São Paulo. This city has been nothing short of amazing for me, the people I have met, the University I studied at (FAAP) and the trials and tribulations I faced, each and everyone of those things has taught me invaluable lessons that I never dreamt I would be able to learn.

I would say love to be able to say that 2014 has been amazing and only this, but in all honesty, I am well and truly happy to put this year behind me. The lessons have been learnt, the love lost and gained, and a myriad of other things in between that have opened my eyes. I am grateful for the time I have been given here and intend to use whatever time I have left to its full potential.

Here is to a new year ahead where tolerance is a not just a word, but an action. Where people the world over truly start to mend the pains of the past and look to a future that is brighter and devoid of these "lines" that we seem so incessant on creating. I don't have children (yet), but many of my friends do and when I see their faces, in every glorious shade, I realise that all I truly want now is a world where each and everyone of those faces, no matter what their shade is, the gender, or who they choose to love, is treated with the same amount of respect and afforded the same opportunities as everyone else. The time has come for change and we all need to get onboard.

It's 2015 people. Look where we are and take that in.



Happy New Year!

Felicidade or Happiness, its your choice.

Life, it's a funny old thing that we are all apart of in some way or another. I would never have imagined the week that was for me, the highs and lows, anticipation, joy, laughter, the formation of new friendships and the sights of a city that was as close to paradise as I think I have ever been. I also wasn't expecting to fall in love.

We are all damaged or scarred in some way or another, no matter how cool we think we are or how sound we are, there is some baggage stored away that only you will be able to rummage through and decide whether or not you are going to keep it or throw it. I inadvertently went through mine without even realising it over this past week and threw the whole damn thing away. As someone special in my life keeps saying "Happiness defines me". It was just that which encouraged me to get rid of the crap. His happiness.

There are a few times in your life, if you are even that lucky, that someone comes along and changes you, changes you for the better, not because he or she has pushed their agenda onto you, rather the essence of that person radiates in all its purest beauty, a force that just has no way but to penetrate the deepest layers of the things that are preventing you from finding, understanding and allowing that happiness to get inside of you. The fear that you once had of being hurt, becomes a distant and almost foreign memory, and finally, you find that happy special place that you have so been longing for.

For most of us, happiness is a choice, a choice that so many people seem to not know how to make, yet speak of their longing for it. Maybe we all need that special someone to waltz on into our lives, shake it up and force us to redefine who we really are. Maybe it has always been there, right in front of us, but our conditioning of what happiness means, an almost selfish ideal in many countries, forces us to abandon and not allow it into our lives. Not me.

Seven days have been and gone, with them a whirlwind of emotions, excitement, memories and love. Yes, love. I was not expecting it and when it arrived it smacked me so hard in the face that I didn't know what to do, so I cried and cried. Today, I had to depart from that love, something that again led me to tears, many tears in fact, but deep down inside of me something tells me that this time it is different. It's real. It's honest. It's easy. It's us.

 Its not the end, its actually the beginning. I realised that we have so much to do together, that our story has only just begun and no matter what, we just have to take one page at a time. Devour every delicious word on that page, take our time to revisit chapters we didn't understand and should the need arise, cross out what we thought we knew and re write what we want, after all, it is our story. So, I choose happiness, with you.