Masculinity, what is it?

Never a man enough for you,
Unsure of how to act or what to do.

You turned your back and lied to me,
Leaving me alone, scared and unable to see.

The difference you loathed and feared so much,
Was the thing that would eventually become my crutch.

Be a man you would yell and always say,
Don't show them you're a faggot, poofter or even gay.

Closed eyes, not wanting to see who I truly am,
Instead criticizing me, pushing me away from our clan.

Punched, kicked and beaten to my very core,
It seemed through all this, you disowned me more and more.

I needed you, your words, your guidance, your love,
Not a day went by that I wished god would take me to the safety above.

Masculinity, who or what does it even truly mean?
I have seen an ideal; boring, baseless, almost like a smokescreen.

Those that have have had a supportive Father walk with pride,
Those like me, that have gone without, simply learnt how to cower and hide.

To be a man means more than being macho, big and grand,
It's loving those around you, being honest and always taking a stand.

Masculinity, what is it?

Menina.

Eyes full of pain upon a face that has barely lived,
No one notices you, no one cares who you are or what you have to give.

Staring at the people in front of you, the ones you so long to be,
You stare so hard, with so much passion, but you my darling, they will never see.

They laugh at you now, make fun of you and always push you away,
It won't be long now, before this is just a memory of yet another horrible day.

Youth is wasted on those that know no better or with whom have little care,
Never listen to the negativity, remember what I told you: walk with pride, walk with flare.

You are beautiful menina.

Mother.

You were just a child when you had me,
A girl, not yet a woman, and now with a baby.

Alone, unsure and now raising two,
If anyone was going to succeed, it was surely to be you.

I never understood the struggles you faced,
Each and everyday seemed like a brand new race.

Your temper as fierce as your beauty,
Nothing could stop you and your enduring sense of duty.

I tried and tested you until the very end,
Yet through it all, you are my one true friend.

My hero, my inspiration and all that I love,
Those that have passed, watch with pride up above.

You are the one I call Mother,
The only one I have, unlike any other.

Eyes Wide Shut.

Every ones hands are wide open,
Waiting to take from me what they can.

My heart is yearning for more,
The feeling of love and who I really am.

My eyes were sewn shut,
Blinded by what I thought was love.

It was nothing more than I allowed it to be,
Awakened stiffly by a friendly, emotional nudge.

The phase of new has finally begun,
A lesson learned, from a story that has been well read.

I no longer stride with eyes wide shut,
Clarity and strength have released me from this once clouded head.

Real love.

Real love is free.

Its ageless, timeless and bound by absolutely nothing.

Real love is honest.

It can see through the haze of lies, feel the beat of your heart even when it beats no more.

Real love is genderless.

There is no male, female, gay, straight or bi, its just love.

Real love passes no judgement.

It is colourless, religion free and understood in every single language.

Real love can conquer anything.

The harshest of days, fiercest of diseases, war and famine, real love still exists.

Real love is invincible.

Nothing can stop real love. Absolutely nothing.

Real love.

It just is.

Today.

I numb the pain I have by drowning in my sorrow,
If only there was a way I could change this heart of mine, I would beg, steal or borrow.

I think of you each and everyday,
Though the light I once had in my heart has all but turned to grey.

Your face appears in my dreams each and every night,
Something I struggle with as I never wanted to fight.

I pray for the day that you will finally let me speak,
It's the only hope I have right now, given that things look ever so bleak.

My love for you will never wane,
As sad as this may be, I understand that we will never ever be together again.

One door closes and another opens or so they say,
The time has come for me to start this new life, a new life which begins on this very day.