The fine line between loyalty and honesty.

So, what about it then?

I admire loyalty and standing by some one's side when the sky is so dark that the only hope you have is the comfort of those very people beside you, those you believe that truly will protect you in the good times and bad. These are qualities I admire most in others and hope that I too, share these very qualities.

There is however, a fine line between loyalty and honesty. Being able to have the ability to be truthful to those you are standing by, even when you know the truth is not being told by those you are guarding. A difficult situation for most, but one that will present itself at sometime throughout life.

There is a saying that has been circulating through my head over and over the last few days, something that my beautiful Grandmother used to tell me, "You are the company you keep." Very true.

Although the storm may pass and the truth has been gathered up with the wind and blown away like the dark clouds that were once above you, it will return, and when it does, those that stood in the face of truth will all be accountable, not just the instigator of lies, but those who also stood by him or her and chose the path of deceit.

The truth will always set you free.

Trust.

I am so confused at this moment in time. I don't get this place a lot of the times, a lot of people here seem to want to create drama out of nothing and for what reason I really don't know. Maybe boredom? Maybe its cultural, I don't know. Maybe it's just good old fashioned insecurity.

At the best of times, no matter the language, difference in culture or people, it can be hard to make friends, this is a given in 2014. So when two friends messaged me today to say they have deleted me because their partners were jealous of our friendship(s), I was shocked. Actually I am kind of saddened by this. I have not done anything to warrant their insecurities, yet am being punished by the loss of friendship.

I find it strange that many have told me I am "insecure" or that "I need to love myself more" amongst other things, yet for me, allowing a partner to do his or her own thing, to have their own friends, is not something that should warrant distrust, insecurity or even anger. We are not their parents after all, we are their partners, we are supposed to stand by their side, encourage them to flourish and grow, and yes, trust them wholeheartedly. And this is coming from someone that has been cheated on more times than I really care to remember or acknowledge.

I refuse to bow down to this kind of behaviour as it does not make for a healthy relationship in any context and I have come to realise that it is not I that is any more insecure than the next person, but in fact I am much more secure in myself when it comes to relationships, love and life than most. Trust and love are the two greatest gifts I can give anyone of you whom I love, and I do this with open arms and a honest heart.

"To be trusted is a greater compliment than being loved."

Don't be THAT guy.

I'm just not THAT guy.

You know, the one who picks a fight with people for no apparent reason, angry, yet not sure as to why, but feeling the need to prove something to all those around him. Testosterone out of control bringing about aggression, inferiority and fear, all eagerly waiting to rear their ugly heads.

I'm just not THAT guy.

The guy that tells you he loves you then cheats at any given chance, all the while searching for any excuse as to why he did it, even blaming you. Telling you that you've changed, you nag to much, you didn't do enough. You, you, you. Nothing you do is right and that he just doesn't love you anymore, at all.

I'm just not THAT guy.

The one that swears at you, abuses you, belittles you and makes you feel so insignificant that you just want to curl up and die. Hits you, and threatens to, and then scares you at every chance just to make sure you are on edge at all times, dominating you, living in fear that at any given moment he will snap and this time, maybe this time it just might be the last straw.

I'm just not THAT guy.

The guy that promises the earth and delivers nothing, time after time, it didn't come through because of someone else, never looking at himself. Being unable to accept that he is flawed and that there is nothing wrong with that, it's normal, it's human, it's all of us.

I'm just not THAT guy.

The guy that won't love you till the ends of the earth, or step in front of a bullet for you or not be afraid to defend you when you need it in your darkest hour. To never push you when things just seem to hard or never congratulate you on the many achievements that will come your way in life. To never hold you, kiss you and touch you every day as if it was the very first time we met. To never smile or laugh or step out of his comfort zone for you, to never challenge his thoughts and ideas because they are yours, and to never love you in the way you want to be loved, honestly, respectfully and truthfully.

Now that right there, I'm well and truly just not THAT guy...